Fragile

Fragile

san ba ko magsisimula??? ahm, it all started back when i was still in 3rd yr college, my classmate and i decided to attend mass when aour assigned priest announced na nag-iinvite daw sila ng mga bagong choir members. wala naman kaming masyadong ginagawa that time so we decided to try out.

_____blah blah blah to make the story short were part of the group...

there we meet all of the members, nung una wala lang (lam nyo naman ang feeling diba pag-bago ka sa isang grupo, wala gaanong pumapansin sayo):( pero di nag-tagal we became really good friends and it continued for 1 yr we were like brothers and sisters.

(now on the kilig part) there was 1 member of the group whom i consider really friendly, his name was neil. he's 2 yrs younger than me, not so tall, chubby, cute and very intelligent. nung una hindi ko xa gaanong napapansin, for me he was just like a normal friend, never really expected to feel something for him. we started txtng, we talked a lot of things like the usual conversation of two friends. that time i had a girlfriend, whenever we had a conflict neil was always there to help me and my girl solve our problems and i thank him for that. when things got worst between me and my girl, we decided to cool it off... (ohw... i forgot to mention all three of us were in the same group)

(when all things went back to normal) i started txtng neil, after all the message palagi kong inilalagay sa huli "i luv u" (it was only a joke, nakuha ko lang ang idea na yun sa kaklase ko because that time he had a guy friend that would usually end his message with "i luv u! mwah!") it continued for many weeks i never forget to say i luv u... at first there was no reaction from him, wala lang, tatawa lang sya then mag-a i luv u din.

did i mention that i was living with my aunt? there was a time when my aunt and her family had a vacation for 1 week, so i was left alone in the house. u know the saying "when the cat is away, the mouse will play" hehehe i invited my friends na pumanta dito sa bahay dahil nababagot ako and walang kasama. 5 of them came including neil, we played cards, watched movies, and decided to have a little drink. i forgot na hindi pa la umiinom si neil (naks good boy talaga)... i thought na dito sila matutulog dahil late na, 11:30 na yata nun then i insisted

na dito na lang sila matulog pero ayaw talaga... wala akong magagawa, so pinabayaan ko sila na umuwi... si neil lang ang nagpaiwan dahil nagpaalam naman daw sya na sa kaklase niya sya matutulog... so umalis na yung iba, wala kaming imikan ni neil (pero i admit na that time nahihiya talaga ako sa kanya dahil sa mga messages ko hehehe....) bigla ko na lang na sabi na "tara tulog na tayo", tumango lang sya. inayos ko ang higaan, gusto ko na rin kasi magpahinga dahil nga naka-inom ako..

dalawa lang kami sa higaan, ang laki pa naman din nung higaan kasya ang 5 katao... hindi ako makatulog, kahit hilong-hilo na ako sa gsm blue na tinira namin... i find neil very attractive, kahit pareho kaming lalake di ko maiwasang di tumingin sa kanya... patuloy na naglalaro ang isip ko that time, naguguluhan kung ano ba talaga nararamdaman ko para sa kanya... tulog na si neil nung sumilip ako sa kanya, so hugged him para malaman ko kung meron ba akong nararamdaman sa kanya... nung nakayakap na ako, naramdaman ko ang init ng katawan niya lumapit pa ako at hinalikan ko ang kanyang batok... pinagpatuloy ko lang iyon, hindi ko namalayan na gising pa la sya humarap sa sa akin at ngumiti..wala na akong nagawa, hinalikan ko sya as gentle as i can... first kiss ko yun with the same sex...nung una ako lang ang humahalik, laking gulat ko nang gumanti sya ng halik... nalibugan talaga ako that night, hindi ko na inisip ang mangyayari sa mga actions namin basta all i know nag-eenjoy ako... magdamag kaming naghalikan, dahil parehong first timers hanggang dun lang muna..

diba nga 1 week na ako lang sa bahay...hehehe nasundan pa yun, but this time sya lang ang pinapunta ko, willing naman sya... hindi ko masasabing inosente tlaga ako, nakapanood rin naman ako ng mga porn movies,so alam ko ang gagawin.. that night, i asked him to take his clothes off at first he was shy (actually i was shy too)...but later followed my command... i'm not really good in describing but that night was the best night of my life... we did many crazy things with our body.. this continued for 1 week...

palagi kaming nagkikita ni neil,para na nga kaming mag-syota... mga sweet messages ang laman ng cel ko, lahat galing sa kanya... ang tawagan nga namin ay "baby ko" at pag may pagkakataon we would usually do things like our first night together...

ang daming beses naming ginawa ang pagtatalik, pero kahit minsan hindi ako nagsawa... one time nga, nung nag-simba kami ng madaling araw (4 am) tumigil muna kami sa isang madilim na lugar at dun namin ginawa lahat ng mga pagnanasa namin sa katawan. basta ang daming beses pa namin ginawa lahat ng yun... pero lahat ay may katapusan..,

nagsimula magalit sa akin si neil nang buksan ko ang topic about our future we all know na walang papatunguhan ang relasyon naming dalawa unlike those stories that have happy endings... ako lang kasi ang anak na lalake, so ako ang may dala ng pangalan ng pamilya. nagalit sya nung sinabi kong kailangan ko magka-pamilya nasundan p yun nung magtampu sya sa akin nung nalaman nyang nkikipag-inuman ako, ayaw niya kasi ng lasinggero kagaya ng tatay niya... dahil sa sobrang inis ko, bigla ko na lang nasabi na maghiwalay na lang kami, wala rin kasi ako sa katinu-an that time.. (that was the biggest mistake of my entire life)

kinabukasan humingi ako ng tawad, so sad to say pero hindi na niya ako napatawad.. hindi na rin nya ako pinapansin..para sa akin napakasakit nun (have you experienced being in place na as if you don't exist?) ganun ang naramdaman ko, nasa iisang grupo lang kami, pero para sa kanya i don't exist...ouch ang sakit... almost 3 weeks yun, one night nagulat ako ng mg-txt sya, sabi nya dun daw ako matulog sa kanila... kaya pumayag ako, kya lang one big problem nandito kasi auntie ko ehh ang sungit kaya nun... bawal kasi akong lumabas, kaya i asked neil kung pwede mga 11 pm na lang ako pupunta sa kanila, dahil tatakas lang ako, pumayag naman sya... pero just my luck, nakatulog ako 4 am na ako nagising... nang i-check ko cp ko, daming messages galing sa knya ang sabi "ur such a liar, hndi n dapat ako naniwala sa'yo" nag-sorry ako, pero hindi nanya tinanggap... simula noon he never talked to me again, he even changed his cel. number:(

i tried to talk to him pero wala talaga, ayaw na nya... gusto ko pa sanang makipagbalikan... i really do love him... sayang lang talaga...

its been three months since he left me, until now i still don't exist in his world.............

thank you for reading..

Source: bioutloud.net